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My New Hobby

Anyone who has heard of usenet or hasn’t thinks it’s some kind of mythical place; much like the internet is to seniors. Seniors say things like

I read that on the google!

I used to say “I saw it on the internet” and no more questions were asked, but now people want links and addresses and references! It’s worse than wikipedia.

My new strategy is to just say “oh yeah, it was all over the Usenet” then people won’t ask for links and references, it will just understood that it came from the land beyond and is not to be trifled with

Posted Tuesday, January 22, 2008
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Non-sequitur from me

When I was a kid

I used to think a lot about the future. On TV they showed that wars in the future would be fought with laser guns.

Logically, that meant that instead of using kevlar or whatever body armor we use today we’d have to use mirrors. Obviously, mirrors are the only thing that could deflect a powerful laser. This meant that soldiers would wear mirror armor.

I realized how lame it would look compared to the combat apparel of the day and immediately prayed that laser guns would never become the weapon of choice.

So far, so good.

Posted Thursday, January 3, 2008
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Advanced Scripts to make life better

I was inspired by a script I found on userscripts today. The script makes it easy to block comments from users on Matt Cutt’s blog. I got to thinking, that’s great for when Im reading Matt Cutt’s blog but what about when Im reading someone else blog? Or maybe another website?

Introducing an Advanced Script

After writing a script to create free energy and another one to automagically fill up my bank account with other people’s money I figured I could write a really great script to filter out stupid comments.

First I started off with a black list of words, “duh”, “as anybody knows”, “nazis” and “obviously you haven’t” all made the top of the list. Then I built a comparison engine to compare the surrounding content with related words in google scholar and wikipedia. I figure if someone said it in google scholar and wikipedia it must be awesome good.

After comparing the content on the page the comparison engine checks to see if anyone has ever said something similar in youtube comments.

All this data is fed as data into [email protected] (getting rid of comment spam is probably more important that finding white noise) and a detailed report is filed and using all the data along with some more trade secret variables each comment is given a point value, 1 being absolutely important and 10 being a comment on youtube absolute drivel.

The user then sets their tolerance ratio and is free to speedily read through comments.

But there was a problem

Now, I’m opening up development to the community because I need help. My system, awesome as it is, seems to work a little too well. All the comments on digg are flagged at a 10, user forums are desolate wastelands with few surviving comments. Actually, the script also appears to flag all the content on livejournal and if you try to goto myspace all you get is a blank page!

The only sites that do seem to work correctly are slashdot and any site not in english. Oh, except no sites in French have been left unblocked.

My design appears to be perfect and I can’t find out what’s wrong. I posted on a development forum about my problem but no one responded…or they did and the script blocked them. I don’t know.

I’ll release the code shortly to see if making this project open source can bring it to completion.

Posted Friday, December 14, 2007
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A Traveler named Greg

Update:I’ve included the only picture of Greg that I have. Enjoy

I once was standing in the streets of a city called Reims (pronounced Ran-ce) in the north east of France when I was confronted by the only American I didn’t know in the town. He was dressed in green like the green bums (that is, there were the green bums who had a lot of dogs were generally aged 18-24 and we something akin to rude hippies on most occasions).

Greg was really excited to talk to me because I spoke english he had a sign that his french girlfriend had made him before dumping him in the streets that said something like “Je suis coincé en France, une piece svp” (I’m stuck in france, a little money please). He asked me to translate it for him actually.

Greg told me stories

One of the coolest dudes I metAh yes, Greg went on and on and told me all kinds of great stories. Like the time he and his friends were abducted by a summer sales, energy vampire cult. He was with his girlfriend and his friend and whenever they tried to leave some cult girls (#4 on the hotness scale right after “girls in school girl out fits” and “passed out cheer leaders”) would come over and bring the single one back in. Luckily Greg was immune (he already had a girlfriend, a french one that would drop him on his ass in france several years later).

Greg had ideas

Great ideas in fact. He wanted to start a band that was theme based around the transformers. Of course, they would all have transforming costumes and he would ride out onto the stage on his skateboard and then transform from a box into the lead singer; then and he said this part was crucial to the whole thing they would play that sound that the transformers make when they…transform.

Greg had useful information

Greg mentioned the mind expanding power of hallucinogens. I mentioned that I had a friend who had recently quit shrooms because she started coughing up blood. He said that it was possible because shrooms gave people the power to bleed in addition to expanding their minds.

Greg accidentally desecrated Notre Dame de Reims

Like all green bums(see above) Greg had a dog. One day it fell ill and he wanted very badly for his dog to regain it’s strength. He prayed very hard but to no avail. He finally went to the Cathedral in Reims to seek a blessing.

Unfortunately for Greg they didn’t allow dogs and they wouldn’t bless one. So, desperate, he gathered his puppy up in his arms and ran past the priests straight to the center of the cathedral. There he put his dog on the altar and knelt down in prayer.

He admits that onlookers must have thought that he was praying to the dog but said, in his defense, that his dog did regain full health.

Greg had a plan

I don’t remember what it was but he was going to get back to america some how and stop living as a SDF (Sans domicile fixé – someone without domicile see: Bum). I told him to goto the US embassy and he said he had already done that but they wouldn’t let him take his dog so he’d have to come up with the money to send his dog home.

The last vestiges of Greg

Greg disappeared for a while. Every time I ran into a green bum I asked him where he was. Some were suspicious, others were helpful. The last person I talked to told me that Link (thats what the french bums called Greg) had left the country. I smiled and said “so he’s gone back to america?” and they smiled even broader and said “no, to Amsterdam”.

I wonder where Greg is now…

Posted Tuesday, October 9, 2007
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Drafts

WordPress has a simple back end with some nice features. One of the things you can do is save your posts before you publish them. This allows you to work on several articles at once or start on an idea and never finish it (more the latter than the former).

Today, after deleting a few drafts I stopped and looked at the titles that I still had left.

I personally thought this list of titles was at worst interesting but mostly funny. Just a silly conglomerate of out-of-context snippets. So, I’ve decided to finish one of these posts and you, the user, gets to decide which.

[poll=22]

Just for the record, these drafts are drafts for a reason, they may not be any good; so choose wisely!

Posted Tuesday, August 21, 2007
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Car dealerships in utah are out of control

This evening’s festivities involved a short drive from Sherwin Williams to my house. The exact route is shown here on google maps.

small map in provo

Gary and I were talking about the car market in Provo and Gary and I conducted an experiment on the way home from Sherwin Williams we counted every car dealership we found.

We counted 12 in a mile and a half route (less as the crow flies).

There are 12 car dealerships in one direction of my house. I know for a fact there are more the other way and the funny thing is that this isn’t even the part of town you think of as where all the car dealerships are. If someone tells me they’re at a car dealership I assume they are up on University Pkwy on the other side of town.

Reader question, why does utah have so many car dealerships?

Posted Wednesday, August 8, 2007
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A silly note

As I was writing the last post Gary was asleep on the couch. He shifted in his sleep and said, and this is verbatim:

“You should have a ninja password.”

Shouldn’t we all?

Posted Sunday, July 15, 2007
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A Strange Occurence

I’ve been using google reader for about a week now. It’s really nice except all the blogs I read haven’t been updating. Anyway, I posted an entry yesterday on my blog and then hit refresh on my feed reader. I didn’t have a feed for my blog on google reader but all of the sudden, it popped onto my list of blogs and said there was an update…

wtf!?

Posted Sunday, July 8, 2007
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Worst blogs ever

Have you ever noticed that there is one kind of blog post that we can all universally hate? It’s the dreaded “sorry I haven’t posted in awhile” update. Every blog has them at some point, actually most livejournal pages are comprised solely of “sorry I haven’t posted in awhile” blog entries.

The most horrible thing about the “haven’t updated in awhile” post is that it can become part of a vicious cycle. People think they have to write everything down…or nothing. So after a while they say “oh no, I haven’t posted, well, I’m still alive. I’ll catch up later.” So now people are more behind but they feel content with this minor update. They go on for more than a week without writing any actually new content. But now they’re one more week behind! So what do they do?

If they’re like me they probably brood over it for another week before making a desperate attempt at an entry that they delete before publishing and substitute it for another pathetic “whoops, I’m still alive. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t been able to catch up!”

Please, we all know that unless you make time for something you’ll always be too busy for it. I’m unemployed taking 1 class and I can bee too busy for anything unless I commit to doing it.

Anyway, I hate those kinds of entries…

Posted Saturday, July 7, 2007
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Rapping

My page-rank three brings all the girls to the yard
they’re like, you’re better than her
damn right, I’m better than her
I could teach you, but I’d have to charge

On that note I’ll say that job hunting is going well. I got a few things on the table. (notebook, glass of water and mouse included)

Posted Tuesday, June 26, 2007
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