Rules for a concert

The other night we went to the Shiny Toy Guns show up in Park City. They were playing for free as part of the Sundance Film Festival. It was beautiful, they blocked off main street and there were a few thousand people stuffed in the road crowded around the stage.

There were some rookie mistakes committed by most of us at this show which is why I’ve compiled this list of Rules for a concert.

Rules for a Show:Part 1 – Preparation

1. Always listen to loud music on your way to the show. Listening to stupid loud music on the drive up is essential to getting your ears ready for the horrific onslaught you are about to put them through. Start off quiet and make the music louder and louder. Your ears will close up and protect them selves so you won’t hurt your ears at the show

2.Dress right.

Even if the show is going to be out in the open in sub-zero temperatures it is going to be toasty warm in the pit. What with those 30,000 bodies all bobbing around you, even without all the foriegn sweat you’ll be plenty warm with the kinetic energy.

Rules for a Show:Part 2 – Concert Etiquette
If you didn’t dress right, don’t remove any clothing. That is, don’t remove it if you want to see it again after the show. One of our compatriots removed his winter jacket and tied it around his waste in the middle of the pit. I looked at him like he was crazy but the music started playing and within 15 seconds his jacket was torn from his waist and sent sailing and bobbing towards the stage. He may not have gone crowd surfing but his jacket did and now he’ll never see it again.

You will get shoved around! Jon was stationed near the edge of the pit and was being pushed around by the crowd. Not at all strange, its 10,000 people all trying to stand in a space that can’t fit half that number. If you go, you expect to be hit, Jon was pushed into a kid that started yelling “STOP PUSHING!” His whole face shook and his white gauge earings rattled with his anger. He even threw punches at anyone that would bump into him(ie Jon). Well, earth to retard, you’re at a show, you’re going to get shoved, pushed, jostled and molested. That’s the way it works.

You like to crowd surf?
Who doesn’t? But there are a few important things to remember. First of all don’t carry a bunch of stuff in your pockets if you want to keep it. I once saw a kid crowd surfing that had a wad of cash hanging out of his pocket. An anonymous hand popped up out of the crowd and relieved this dope of his cash. The will happen all the time so try to leave your valuables in the car.

Further more, once you’re up stay on your back with your feet held up. When you kick people in the face because you don’t hold up your feet, it makes them angry and they’ll steel your shoes.

Don’t roll! If you roll you’re basically running people over instead of letting them throw you around like you want. And besides when your stomach is down lots of people will punch you in the junk, even if it’s an accident. (But it probably won’t be).

Females beware! Crowd surfing isn’t super female friendly. If you are going to go try to cover your chest and dress appropriately. I saw a girl crowd surfing in a bikini top and a hand popped up out of the crowd and all of the sudden she lost it. Of course some one else had just groped her before that.

Rules for a Show:Part 3 – Post Concert Maintenance
Fatty, waxy ears; don’t clean ’em Jon told us a pretty funny story about a kid that did some horrible ear damage. Someone told him that after a show you have to clean out your ears because a lot of wax builds up in there. Well, that wax in there because your ear was damaged and it needs to heal. So your body produces lots of wax to help it repair the damage. If you do clean it out you will probably get an ear infection and your ear is likely to over produce even more, giving you a runny ear.

Shoes got dirty.
I definitely know what that’s like. Everyone is jumping around in a giant mass of human and they all seem to step on your feet accidentally. The result is really nasty looking shoes. But no worries! If you were wearing your regular tennis shoes just throw them in the dish washer and run the cold or normal wash. This goes miles to getting stains out of shoes (I’ve had to do it twice in the last month). They’ll look almost brand new after you wash them.

Rules for a concert