Today Was Awesome

Photoshop Plea

Many have complained about me not finishing my new theme but I have a good reason for the delay. Awesome takes time. My current hurdle is of particular note. It’s a photoshop thing, please examine the image below.

The image on the left is the photoshop version, the image on the right is the save for web preview. I used a screenshot that didn’t pass through any other photo application (OS X has that cool screenshot directly to a file that lets you select the area you want copied).

The image on the right has become lighter and I don’t know why, here are some things I have tried

Change color profiles to match my macbook pro monitor

Taking a screenshot and then importing the image and then saving

I thought it might be that the colors weren’t “web compatible” but after saving a web compatible version I can open the new lighter version and then if I try to save it again for web the colors again become lighter.

So, wtf?

Anyone got some ideas as to why I’m having this problem? I’ve tried some searches and I’ve asked some photoshop “gurus” (they told me to shut up and drink the koolaid…maybe they were just gurus)

Photoshop Plea

Posted Friday, September 28, 2007

Horrible Talents

I’m told that self depreciating humor is all the rage these days so here goes.

WARNING: The following post may be considered crass by people that think fart is a bad word.

A friend and I had just had lunch at Kneaders and were walking out when I decided to show him one of my talents. I jumped into the air and did the “newsie’s kick” where you tap your heels together in the air. But this wasn’t my talent.

My trick was that when my heels clicked, I farted. Not only did I do it once, but twice before turning around and seeing a woman who was walking behind us laughing her head off.

I went quickly to the passenger door of the car we were in and my friend locked the door, sat inside the car and laughed while I squirmed under this laughing woman’s gaze.

Some talents, it would seem, are meant to be hidden.

Horrible Talents

Posted Wednesday, September 26, 2007

We can all be bigots…sometimes

The author MEH who has recently been featured has responded to my last post via e-mail. I was touched by her story and will now share the e-mail, un-edited except for the name, with all of you now. So touching…

Hello Dan,

One of my associates has reviewed my blog post and It has come to my attention that you may not have been serious about your recent offer of shares in an undisclosed “forture”… I feel I must explain and defend my rather scathing comments about your “offer”.

I, like many others, have suffered from a debilitating neurological disease from birth and as a result I have no sense of humour. I enjoy posting on forums and commenting on blogs but, more often than not, end up making myself look a little silly by taking everything at face value due to my humour deficiency.

All too often able-homoured people, like yourself, poke fun at our comments and single us out for ridicule. It is simply not possible for us to take these retorts with a pinch of salt as we cannot, to use a phrase which I find personally offensive, “See the funny side of it”. If the British government wake up and officially recognise our disability I will be handing this matter over to my solicitors and have you in court for discrimination!

Yours,
Sgt. Censored (Mrs)

I feel for your plight, I really do. I would even petition the British government to wake up and “recognise” your disability except that you would then take me to court for discrimination.

On the other hand, I don’t live in England so it shouldn’t be a problem, aw what the heck; I WILL petition the british government to recognize your horrible ailment!

May you too, be able to enjoy the laugh track of your own life MEH. I wish you better humour in the future.

We can all be bigots…sometimes

Posted Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Exciting News Regarding YOUR Investment!

The outpour from the community has been incredible! My recently posted exciting business offer has generated an incredible amount of offers. In fact, I’m initiating a stock split! I was originally selling 1,000 shares but as demand has gone up I’m raising the number of shares to ONE MILLION. What does that mean for all the people that have already bought shares?

Their shares have grown in value by a factor of 1,000 which means those that gave already jumped in have earned THOUSANDS of dollars already.

More Signs of my future riches!

Bryan Phelps has become an investment partner and just the other day received his own fortune. Not only did he receive cookies with excellent fortunes but he received fortunes pertinent to this investment. I encourage all to read it because pretty soon Bryan is going to be blinging just like MC PeePants

Opposition

Being successful means having to face what we like to call “Nay Sayers”. These are people that say “Nay” instead of “Yay” as in “Yay! I’m RICH!”

Just look at this doubtful comment I received from a British person named “MEH”.

If the “fortune” discovered is less than the total value of all shares then payout is 50% of any share’s value.

So let’s play with some numbers!

Let’s say that 60 million people invest $1 in this and the final fortune which you actually get is $1. That would mean that everyone would get back roughly 50% of what they put in plus one sixty millionth of a dollar..?

You make yourself $30 million!

Let’s say, for arguments sake, that ten people invest in your stupid scheme, and it IS a scheme, and each of them give you $1. You can then state that the fortune acquired was something stupid like an additional fortune cookie and therefore the initial investment of $10 will give your investors $0.50 return because there was no value to the actual fortune.

You make yourself $5

Every way I look at this is screams “SCAM!”

=================
A better way to make money would be to put bets on how long it will be before this comment is removed or how likely it is to be posted in the fist place it needs verification.

Now, I don’t want to be impolite to our British visiteur (see, I even spelled so he can enjoy this post) but as we all know “MEH” stands for “Mildly Enhanced Hamsters” which is in the same family as R.O.U.S. or Rodents of Unusual Size.

The point is, who are you going to take financial advice from? Me or the british rat boy that bet his comment would be taken down immediately?

I mean, common, who lost that bet?

On a Separate note

This blog will not be trading it’s content and style for a money making scheme because that would be totally lame.

As our friends across the pond always say, Cheers!

Exciting News Regarding YOUR Investment!

Posted Thursday, September 20, 2007

An Exciting Business Opportunity

Do you have dreams?

I know I do.

That’s why I’m here to let you in on the ground floor of an exciting opportunity! Is it lucrative? Could be! Will you definitely become super rich really fast? Obviously!

Most investment opportunities require you to sign up before you even find out what you’re investing in! This is simply not the case with my super lucrative, happy fun time, once in a life time chance, opportunity!

But Dan! What is this Opp-or-tunity of which you speak!?

I’m glad you asked! let me tell you about it

It all started a little more than a week ago. I was eating lunch at Panda Express with some co-workers and, as usual, got a fortune cookie. Little did I know the Magical power that I was about to unleash. For you see, when I cracked open that cookie I found my fortune. Not only did I find a fortune but I am ready to share it with you.

This was my fortune:

The Rundown

Here’s the rundown, obviously this fortune cookie is saying that I will be coming into a fortune soon. As of yet, I have not discovered this fortune and it could have a huge monetary value. I would like to do you, the consumer, a favor though. I want to help you get in on the ground floor

Rather than just selling my fortune to a single person I’m selling stock in my fortune. One thousand shares will be issued, each worth a dollar, redeemable for the percentage value of the fortune that I come into.

Let me break that down for you.

The Breakdown

If you invest $10 and my fortune ends up being worth a million (hardly a fortune these days) You will make One Thousand Dollars ($990 profit). That’s a 1000% return! There are some extra terms and stipulations of course (you’ll learn the rules after you sign up).

Been Burned Before by Get Rich Schemes?

Let’s get one thing clear, this is not a scheme! It bares no resemblance to a pyramid. It doesn’t require your social security number (just your credit card and possibly some blood). I understand that some of you may have been burned before. But unlike other “so called” investments and get rich quick schemes, this investment strategy has never been tried before. It’s a totally fresh, new way of looking at making money.

This isn’t just a once in a life time chance, this is a once in forever chance to get in on something big! Something very big!

E-mail me your monies.

UPDATE: Read the follow up to this Exciting business opportunity.

An Exciting Business Opportunity

Posted Wednesday, September 12, 2007

An Internet Doppleganger?

You can not tell me that this doesn’t look like Justin. Maybe the eye color is off but it’s pretty much his spitting image.

Speaking of dopplegangers, I sort of hate all the sites they have these days to make “avatars.” “Using advanced asp, java, flash or whatever you can make your own avatar!” I’ve actually had the technology to make my own avatar for years, its called mspaint. You’re not limited to a set of different character traits, instead you can make whatever you want! I’m not the only one either just search flickr. There are some real gems.

If only we would all have awesome icons such as this one pictured below.

Awesome MSPaint Avatar

What a wonderful world it would be.

An Internet Doppleganger?

Posted Thursday, September 6, 2007

Giant Pillow Fight

Just as promised: here is the Draft that won the Weird Draft Title Contest

LaughingSquid is one of those blogs I keep a secret from everyone. It’s sort of a forbidden little treat that I really love to check once in a while. They’re never short of some really great pictures. They also happened to cover the great Pillow Fight Of San Fransico ’07. Don’t worry, despite the implications this is SFW.

The Laughing Squid Page also has videos and more pictures of the event with links to other sources.

What better way to celebrate valentines day angst than by beating the feathers out of total strangers?

Funny, I thought another post would have won for sure

Giant Pillow Fight

Posted Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Baby Fetus Orgy

Ha! Gotcha! With a title like that everyone has to read this post and once more they know it!

With my oft perusing of the interwebs I’ve begun to feel like a traveler swapping tales for “one more meal” and scaring children with stories that start “I once saw….” This time I can start the story with “I still see…”; fore the image is still burned in my retinas; imprinted on my occipital lobes. And soon, so shall it be on yours.

Behold in all it’s hideous freakishness the baby counter

Baby Fetus Orgy

Posted Thursday, August 23, 2007

Drafts

WordPress has a simple back end with some nice features. One of the things you can do is save your posts before you publish them. This allows you to work on several articles at once or start on an idea and never finish it (more the latter than the former).

Today, after deleting a few drafts I stopped and looked at the titles that I still had left.

I personally thought this list of titles was at worst interesting but mostly funny. Just a silly conglomerate of out-of-context snippets. So, I’ve decided to finish one of these posts and you, the user, gets to decide which.

[poll=22]

Just for the record, these drafts are drafts for a reason, they may not be any good; so choose wisely!

Drafts

Posted Tuesday, August 21, 2007

If all public relations went through youtube…

This video has been making the rounds on digg and elsewhere and is kind of cool. But looking at the comments made me despair a bit. Imagine what aliens would think if they were to read the comments on their clandestine videos.

Youtube talks about aliens

pwn’d!!!!

If all public relations went through youtube…

Posted Friday, August 10, 2007